One Night Magic [entries|friends|calendar] fandango1226 [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

back with- nothing? [06 May 2009|11:37pm] [ mood | drained ] [ music | fire-2NE1 ] soo i'm writing here again just to put my thoughts somewhereeee. i read my posts from before and oh man. not only did my grammar kill but i srsly am bi-polar -_- well let me tell you a little something about my life so far. senior year has been....horrible. junior year was a gem in comparison. it's not like the year has been horrible, but if your only looking at the school aspect then its been horrible. the year itself, friends and all the things i've done this year have been great. regarding friendships, as i said in my very first post, the ones that give you the most pains give you the most joyful moments you'll ever have. so let me tell you what happen today, i have this friend who i considered one of my closest out of all my friends. i alwayys tried so hard to help them, be there for them, listen to them, introduce them to things that i know they would love. this person, basically took my heart and ripped it in half. odd to say about your friend but thats the only way to describe it. i don't really want to get into details about everything but i'll just describe what happen today. so i'm sitting in jp stevens attending the spring concert. a series of events occur and i am now at the point where the chamber choir is singing a song and i have tears rolling down my face. i had been hit with the realization that my friendship with this one friend, has come to an end no matter how hard i try, my mentality of course is if you try your harder the other person will try in return and the friendship will last. i can continue to just be used and feel crappy everytime i'm with this person, or just get the hint and let it go. we'll both move on and make new friends, and i'm sure unless i make it known, she won't know that anything happen. i'm probably being over-sensitive and dramatic and bi-polar but....how much more can i take. it's not the first time and i've been told basically directly by this person that i'm not as close with them as i think. what can i do in this kind of situation? nothing but let it go. but of course it hurt when i made the decision, and of course it happen during the most random moments and i'l sure my one friend who was sitting next to me must of thought i was crazy. you must think i'm crazy. i just wanted to get this out, maybe we'll be better friends in 5 years or something. i dunno. can i start living for myself? i think i need a hobby, something that helps my mind be put at ease. any suggestions cmt

sleeeep is a wonderful thing :) [22 Dec 2007|11:15am] [ music | how far we've come- matchbox twenty ] wooooot! so break has finally started! yet i'm busy everyday this week -_- cept christmas xD my brother is borrowing some professional camera from my uncle for his photopraphy elective...and since my uncle has 2 i shall borrow the other ^^v. its the only thing me and my brother have in common....other than video games and movies xD i am always taking pictures...but on my cell phone, then my cell broke and all my piccys went away -_- sooo this week =\ monday: -went to school...it sucked like usual -then went christmas gift shopping, which was torture...and i don't think its suppose to be o.O -when i got home i passed out and didn't wake up till 5 am in a cold sweat. tuesday: -realized the sickness finally caught up with me no matter how hard i tried to avoid. -didn't go to school and started a puzzle of the world. cause i don't feel like being a geography challenged american like most in today's world. -was forced to get ready to go to a jp steven's latin event despite me feeling like i was going to throw up all day. -my mom has been convinced that i caught the stomach virus going around nyc just cause i went there -_- - did i mention my mother is crazy? i kid you not. me and my dad has had talks about getting her therapy, but she thinks we are trying to brainwash her v_v -went to said latin party and had a bit of fun, ate some food finally after 2 days ^^v -didn't go to sleep at all. wednesday: -didn't need to wake up....since i didn't sleep xD -actually put eye liner on. -went to school, and was unnaturally perky o.O. -came around to 3rd period and the day was sucking again xD -don't really remember much about this day, cept in lunch some asshole guy attempted to make fun of me and i proceeded to ask him if he has problems...he then walked away, but i was ready to punch anyone the rest of the day >\ -started dancing in gym class...it was ok. - then went home and took a nap. - then packed some gifts. - didn't go to sleep again. thursday: -was up early again cause i didn't go to sleep. - was extremely pissy this morning o.o - every little thing made me angry. - blew up a my mother. - then at my father in the car, but less. - gave out some gifts in the morning, frustrating cause i couldn't hold everything. - went to math and had some super fun. - penguins<3 -rest of the day went by fine, even the 4 tests i had. -went to the dentist-he told me off cause i don't wear my rubber bands-but saw i extremely stylish girl and i now want to buy the shirt she had...even though it wil make me look fat. i want it to have it xD -came home and.....went to sleep after a little bit of reading. -FINALLY SLEPT - got myself 13 hours of sleep friday: - woke up and layed around. -took pictures of myself cause i was bored. -then got ready and went to the mall. -looked around a bit with mel-pie, saw many boys...too bad i'm fat v_v -met with more friendy-poos -watched national treasure 2. good movie. - hate the mall on fridays - and now i hate it more cause of stupid people who reside there. -home.sleep. today: -going to look at cars with my brother....not so excited -cause my brother is an ass =] ( boredom piccys ) read 3 cmt

12/16/07 and life goes on... [16 Dec 2007|11:04pm] [ mood | drained ] [ music | stop and stare- one republic ] soo my last entry...was quiet distressful. did i mention i was a happy person =] i was being a melodramatic idiot and considering how happy i was today... methinks i'm bi-polar -_- i went to the city today with 4 other of my friends. including ignoring girl. but like most problems we face as a group...we avoided it and forgot it happened. my friend is a very clingy person xD and grabs onto any of us if we go to near. so she latched onto me -_- i did tell her she shouldn't have ignored me yesterday....but then she pinched my nose >.< i had i extremely good day in the city! i went to see the UN cause my friends are getting extra credit for going i want extra credit for something like that xD then i went to grand central station for the first time ever yay! thenn we got pinkberry!! yummy..even though it was freezing outside xD thenn we were passing a store in korean town and i was all =0 cause they had tvxq stuff insidee! i got a magazine that would have cost me $30 dollars online for cheapness! and cause we are losers we played the atlas game -_-(where you name countries that begin with the ending of the country before it) yes, yes fun and games >.> moral of today: friends who give you the pain-fullest heartaches, give you the greatest joys. my life is so fucking bittersweet -_- i'll put up new york pictures later when i'm less lazy ciao~ cmt

first one... [16 Dec 2007|01:29am] Hello this is Amy ^^ i doubt anyone will ever read the entries i put up here....and i guess thats a bit of a good thing xD i seriously just need a place to vent everything out. i came upon a realization that i land on very often today. i am alone. don't get me wrong, i'm actually a happy person...or at least thats what i show. i have 11 best friends xD who i'm close with...but none of them...would choose me. if that makes any sense. today, i went to a surprise party for one of them. it was only a close group of us. but for a good amount of time i sat in a chair and stared at my friends talk. no one even noticed me and when my phone stared ringing....my friend called my name thinking i was in the other room...i was sitting 2 feet away from her. our group of friends have a couple of problems that most of us just ignore. some of us don't even talk to others in our group but i prided myself with the fact that i can talk with any of them with ease. but thats just it. i am a friend of all....but not super close to a single one. one of my friends even ignored me the whole night cause i asked a question about what time we were leaving for somewhere the next day. she didn't want to talk about it cause people who weren't going were at the part...but i was asking her in private. after that she managed to say as little to me as possible. i didn't understand so i asked one of my other friends, she told me that the girl was just stressed o.O then why is ske taking it out on me? is it that easy to exile me without a thought. its not that we aren't best friends...but if given the choice to choose someone else over me...they would. and anytime i feel this way about ANY of my friends, i don't have anyone to tell. because i come to this realization so often, it makes me think...is this the truth? do i try to hide this fact from myself to stop myself from having pain? i think everytime the pain and hurt is too much to handle i finally tell myself the truth. i am alone. i want someone...who i can go to and vent all my feelings to. to tell someone how much pain i'm feeling and how much stress i have. no one has time for me, not my family, not my friends. i love laughing and smiling...but its becoming harder and harder to do. i need someone who would choose ME and who i would choose in return. i feel rejected...by my own best friends. and it hurts. it hurts so much i can barely stand it. i know such friendship exists out there, i see it in my own friends. but i want such a friendship for myself. that is my wish. anyone who i can rely on so much that i can tell them anything. someone who would notice me and show concern for my well being. why can't i find a friend like that? why am i alone? why me? read 3 cmt

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